Scars
by thumperdaughter4ever
Summary: My father hits me, My mother's dead, and I still don't know why I sit her everyday with this razor blade.


Scars, they're my only major difference from my friends. My closest friends call me "Scar" but no one knows why that is my nickname. It's my deepest, darkest secret and no one knows.

It all started when I got my first owl to go to Hogwarts.

I wanted to be different, and I just wanted to be me. After I went and got my things from Diagon Alley, I started to worry.

Would they like me? Would I be able to do magic well? Will I make any friends?

Those were only a couple of the questions that ran through my head, and that's what drove me to cut myself for the first time.

After that I couldn't stop it was like an addiction, like drinking or drugs for muggles, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop, it was like my stress reliever for everyday. I cut myself at least once everyday and no one knows. I don't really know why I do it anymore, it used to be because of nervousness and now it's just a way to let all those emotions and thoughts of a day leave me and I don't have to think.

I can never tell someone my secret, the first thing they would say is

"You need to see a doctor, you have a serious problem"

and the second would be

"Doesn't it hurt?"

I am easily answering that one in my head with this: "When you cut you don't think about the pain, you have full blown rage coming out of you.

You feel loss, hope, pain, anxiety, stress, and the fullest one is Anger, but I wouldn't say that to anyone out loud.

I would simply say "No".

You know I always dream of getting away, like going to the stars and never feeling anything, cause nothing would be there to worry you.

My first thought after my first day of school was

"I will pass at least two of my classes, but hopefully three" and those are Astronomy, Divination, and hopefully Transfiguration.

I know that no one in Slytherin turns out to be good, and could care less on what their grades are. You know it's hard to have faith in yourself when your mother is dead (because of your dad)(I hate to call him that) and your dad is a Death Eater.

I wish I had my mother, the only reason she's dead is because she tried to leave Mr. Goyle, and he was mad cause she wanted to raise me how she thought was fit, I mean he practically raped her in the first thing, and I don't think that scum should be anywhere near the word "Parent" much less be one.

He wants me to join with the dark lord and I hide at another person's house to keep him away from me. The first time I said "No" straight to his face and he tortured me with a curse that the "dark lord" created, I felt like I was going to die.

I think because he beats, tortures, and hates me is partly what drove me to cut myself in the first place.

I wish that the sorting hat had made me a Gryffindor, cause then he would have disowned me the instant he knew, and I wouldn't have to go through this shit of having to hide all the time.

If I could I would live in a run-down shelter compared to this hell.

I study hard with my work in school and get top grades for Astronomy, Divination, and Transfiguration. With the rest I get okay grades, cause I really focus on my Astronomy. Though I tell all the teachers to give me a "detention", for something I did bad or for not turning in homework, but I go off and study most of the time.

Tonight I thought about what's going on lately, but unfortunately in the middle of the common room for Draco Malfoy's 17th Birthday, everyone kept asking me if I was okay, but I just wasn't paying attention. I sat there for a while obviously as the room started to clear out and Draco headed off to his room with a couple of...What do muggles call them again? "Whores"

Three days later I sat in my own Slytherin dorm bathroom with my razor blade and my towel, and I cut straight across my wrist. Right away I didn't feel right, I started to feel woozy, I tried to get to the sink to run some water, but I didn't get that far.

Malfoy walked in the bathroom four hours later and knew it was to late, I had lost to much blood and it was all over the bathroom floor. Malfoy ran to get help as soon as he had went in there before he left though he whispered "Scar". As he was running down the corridors he happened to run right into someone and it happened to be Professor McGongall, realizing it was her he said, "it's a student he needs help, but I think he might be gone."

"Okay, Mr. Malfoy, Please speak in a calm voice" McGongall said putting a hand on his shoulder. "Please show me where he is Mr. Malfoy."

She followed him all the way to the Slytherin bathroom and she started taking deep breaths. "I have to get Dumbeldore" she gasped.

His funeral was the next day, and Dumbeldore stood up and said things that startled Malfoy out of his thoughts, he had said that Gregory Goyle's favorite thing was Astronomy, but that he had a problem and that family history and worrisome thoughts is what drove him to cut himself, and that is how he died.

"I can't believe you're gone, it's weird man, cause there was so much I didn't know, and I see now how you acquired the nickname "Scar" cause there were to many things burdening you, there were just to many Scars.


End file.
